Who writes this stuff?

One of the joys of the holidays is putting things together, which brings one face-to-face with instructions and warnings of the morons, by the morons and for the morons.

I got this little tree for the bedroom with fiber optic lights. Here are a few of the warnings:

“To reduce the risk of a burn during relamping, disconnect power by turning off the unit switch, or unplugging before relamping.” One has to wonder what kind of idiot would do otherwise.

“Bulb gets HOT quickly. Only contact bulb when the product is turned off.” It makes you wonder if they have a room full of people playing with hot bulbs in order to figure this kind of stuff out.

“Do not touch hot enclosure.” This is along the lines of ‘don’t touch the hot stove’ from my youth.

“Do not remain in light if skin feels warm.” This is my favorite. In other words, if your skin feels warm and you start to smell something burning, you might be ON FIRE!

“Do not look directly at lighted blub.” I’m blind, Mildred! I’m blind!

“Keep away from material that may burn.” In other words, don’t assemble this thing near the gas can.

These are the kinds of thoughts that kept me out of the good schools.

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