The Prodigal Finally Likes Himself

Courtesy Bob Andres, Atlanta Journal Constitution

In the aftermath of Tiger Woods’ spectacular win at Augusta today, I think it’s important we take a look at what exactly he’s overcome in this “comeback,” as Jim Nantz so eloquently put it. I’m one of the few to write about this, because I’m one of those who understands his journey as a human being.

While we all marveled back in his heyday about how Tiger’s parents raised him to be a golfing phenom. There’s virtually nothing written about the psychological aspects of such “raising,” but it reared its ugly head 10‐years ago, when Tiger was discovered to have multiple rough sex partners that he turned to instead of his trophy wife. When his personal life collapsed, so did his golfing magic, and Tiger was forced to begin the journey only those of us who’ve been there can truly understand.

I wrote two pieces about this in 2010, The Lonely Journey of Tiger Woods in February after his public amends in front of the press, and then a follow‐up in August after the total collapse of his game, The Lonesome Valley of Tiger Woods.

In the first, I talked about his recovery and all of the public guessing taking place. No one could ever again expect the same Tiger Woods.

“The question for Tiger is not how does he get his wife back or how does he get his family back or how does he get his life back or how does he get his adoration back or even how does he get his swing back. Much more than that is on‐the‐line here, for a young man’s very life is at stake. Tiger is, after all, a human being…”

http://thepomoblog.com/index.php/the-lonely-journey-of-tiger-woods/

The second piece examined the depth of the problem, and it came in the wake of a disaster on the golf course.

“Tiger Woods’ miserable performance at Firestone this week has all the usual suspects asking all the usual questions about the man. He shot the worst 72‐hole score of his career, and finished second‐to‐the last in the field. His final score was 39 shots higher than the record he set at the tournament 10 years ago. It was nothing short of ugly…

http://thepomoblog.com/index.php/the-lonely-journey-of-tiger-woods/

…Everybody wants to say (but doesn’t dare) that his sexual dalliances finally catching up with him was too big a psychological issue for even the stone‐willed Tiger to overcome. His personal life in shambles, Tiger is hitting bottom, and that’s the sad outcome of such self‐destructive behavior. He had it coming. So there.

As I’ve written before, of all the addictions, sexual addiction is the most misunderstood, because its subsequent behavior is so culturally reprehensible. What makes a man with everything and with perhaps the most recognizable face in the world think he can get away with a bevy of girlfriends outside his marriage? Those unfamiliar with sexual addiction can only point their judgmental fingers at Tiger and reason based on their own knowledge, their own perceptions, their own explanations of such behavior.

But addiction is an evil beyond the grasp of those who don’t know it. Reasons are irrelevant to the cure. Reasons don’t matter. What does matter is that the sickness that gripped this wonderful athlete and man is deep within his being. At core, he simply doesn’t like himself very much — in fact, can’t like himself — so it is impossible, without a LOT of work, for him to accomplish greatness for himself. Impossible.”

But that’s exactly what I think he has now accomplished. Yes, he’s older, and that itself brings a certain wisdom to the way one thinks. However, he’s finally come home to the path that life has chosen for him, and it doesn’t include the constant beating he gave himself for not making everybody else happy all the time.

For more evidence, take a close look at his new girlfriend, her background, and how they met. Erica Herman is cute but hardly the trophy wife that was Elin Nordegren. Ms Herman met Tiger at the restaurant of his that she was managing in 2017, and they’ve been together ever since. In his mind, she’s more of a successful — albeit garden‐variety — local business woman, not a princess. She’s his pal in addition to his lover. He more easily trusts that she’s in it for him, and that is profound healing medicine for a man who’s always had to think of others first.

In the deep recesses of his mind, her outside matches his insides, and he is extremely comfortable with that. He needs someone who will defer to him, because he feels so strongly that only those bad girls would do it earlier. Their badness matched the badness that he felt about himself, and it was easier to overpower them with his charm and need to please. Meanwhile, he left his trophy wife home alone — as he would perhaps a nanny — and she eventually refused to take it anymore, especially when his public dalliances caught up him. The desperation with which he tried to cover it up is the best evidence of the depth of his debauchery. The panic in his voice on that tape recorded call with his mistress of the moment was unmistakable.

But, with a person with the likely make‐up of Erica Herman, Tiger is able to drop all the masks and the pretenses that accompanied his poor behavior, and that’s the best indication that he’s finding himself. The result is he is now — finally — able to win for himself. In the Butler Cabin, Tiger said what he was feeling was different and that “I like it.” To me, that says much more than that he enjoyed the feeling of winning again, which is what most analysts are likely to conclude.

If what I believe has come to pass, I think the entire world of professional golf needs to look out, because the psychological weight loss that comes with being comfortable in your own skin often produces remarkable results. He’s no longer bearing the weight of possible rejection on his back, because he no longer has to be perfect for others.

Tiger Woods likes himself. Thank God for that.

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