The True Importance of Love

Image by skeeze from Pixabay

Love is a one-way force that begins at the source and flows out of each of us towards others. What’s the source? Life itself, and the source of everything within which we live and move and have our being. We can’t pluck it from the sky and offer that to others, because love is an inside job. We can’t see the connection, but it’s there nonetheless, like a giant vacuum hose sucking fresh air in from beyond and filling every nook and cranny of the house until it bursts open the windows and doors out onto every street under the sun. In this way, we can give love away and never doubt that we’ll have a refill when we need it. It’s a breath of fresh air for our souls, genuine, authentic, and a balm for what ails.

This is why it feels oh so good to be in love.

Some people mistakenly feel they must hang on to whatever they have, including love. These are the stingy self-deceived, those who believe love is a limited resource. They’ve made this decision based on some experience(s) from the past, which results in hanging onto such incidents as normal. When this happens, however, these souls are forced to live with regret, anger, and self-pity. Love doesn’t exist in the past, so in a very real way, these people are living a life sentence apart from love’s healing power. In the same way, some people are full of fear under the banner of what comes next. These are the real sufferers of the world, those whose constant movement belies the anxiety, projections, and phobias of those always trapped in the next moment. Love doesn’t exist there either, and these suffer the grave misfortune of never really living but only hoping to live. Thus, they are never satisfied under the sun. Never.

When we’re in love, we are in a constant state of the present, because we always connect with life in the moment. That means we’ve found our way to the presence of God, wherein there exist the wonderful attributes of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Filled with all of this, it’s no wonder we feel so good. Being in love can become a lasting framework for truly living in the moment. What begins as a conscious decision evolves to a kind of automatic pilot in our daily lives. We look and feel younger, because we aren’t wasting our energy with things like regret, remorse, sadness, grudges, and anger of the past, or on the fearful, nervous, anxious terrors of the future.

Trust me, the present is a realm wherein you want settle.

When we give love to others, it triggers a response from the wellspring that floods us with wellness. We find it astonishing and amazing, especially at first. We tend to say things like, “She LOVES me, and I’m loving her back,” or “Her love makes me feel so good.” What we cannot see, however, is that it is the simple and innocent act of giving of ourselves to another that triggers the inbound flow from the source of all love, because that source knows we’re giving away what we had in the last moment.

So, the presence of love in our hearts is a response from the universe to our acts of giving it away to others.

Acknowledging this spiritual truth is the first step to realizing it in our lives, but there remains one overwhelming and perplexing internal dispute that must be settled. We are taught in scripture to love our neighbors as we love ourselves, and this is a great stumbling block for many. If we were to ask for a show of hands from those who genuinely love themselves, there would be only a few in the crowd. Our inability to love ourselves reveals the deep darkness of ego-centricity, where we either think of ourselves as better than — or worse than — everybody else. For these poor souls, the best they can do is experience brief glimpses of what would be available to them if they only loved themselves.

It also naturally follows that those who cannot love themselves are self-defeated and incapable of truly loving others unless it somehow reflects back on them or the persona that they live. Folks, we were made to love ourselves, regardless of our reactions to various events that have shaped our character. All sorts of remarkable things happen when we love ourselves, because we can only do so in the present. Past events may have produced ugly reactions, but they hold no power over the present. Why is it easier to forgive others than to forgive ourselves? Because we “know” we don’t deserve it, so we cling to the shame and worthlessness that accompanied those past events. We drag self-protection forward, and its influences can drive us to addiction and a whole host of psychological problems.

The real problem is we have separated ourselves — blocked ourselves even — from the love of God that exists in the present. Regardless of the mental issue, the cure is the same, which is to come to love ourselves. It’s the gate that leads to life’s safe harbor for the human race.

The anti-love is self-pity, especially in discussions of self-love, for the fact here is that both cannot exist at the same time within humans. Show me a person who speaks of their troubles with patience, and I’ll show you somebody who suffers from a lack of self-love.

The ego draws attention to itself, while love flows via our authentic selves. It’s a trap, precisely because it’s brought to us by the same evil that’s existed from the beginning. That we are worthless seems so rational and logical in our minds, but it’s deliberately designed to hide us from the truth that we are entirely worthy as human beings. This evil also hides the fallen nature of humankind, which has always included our inability to be perfect and our propensity toward mistakes, including errors already committed. These sad people are in a constant struggle to be perfect, because, in their minds, mistakes are reserved for those who are lovable and not for those who are unlovable. This struggle is very real. We look around us and assume the happiness of others, but deep inside don’t believe it is for us.

Deny, avoid, ignore and blame; these are the four cornerstones of the life that awaits for those who cannot love themselves.

People pleasing is not love but a passive-aggressive response to feelings of inferiority, unworthiness, and other lies of the ego. Needing to liked is a cheap substitute for loving oneself. Likewise, the need to control others is birthed from the same source. Dominate or depend. Those are the only choices for such who are incapable of living in the present and all because self-love has been abdicated in the name of self-hatred.

We need to step into the flow of life in the moment, where there are no struggles, only opportunities to demonstrate our faith. We cease all of our wars and battles. We can’t believe our way into good behavior, because that puts the onus back on us. We receive; we accept; we relax; we are unafraid; and we are free to love, ourselves and others.

This is the wonderful and free cure for many of the afflictions that rock our daily lives. Love is the great minimizer of pain. It’s the answer to questions unasked and the balm for our miseries. To give love, we must have love, and in that process, we are healed.

Love isn’t just important; it’s the only thing we truly need to enjoy the day-to-day existence of life under the sun.

Terminal Uniqueness

To addicts in recovery, we are made aware that the real disease of addiction is called “Terminal Uniqueness,” that age-old quest to prove myself better, worse, or otherwise different than you. It is entirely ego-driven, and it effects people in ways that are both observable to others and deeply-known by the sufferers. Its most damaging symptom is that it results in our separating from others and isolating, because it validates the internal belief that I am somehow unique. The word itself means alone in whichever class we pick, and that is what leads to all sorts of behavior that undermines our self-worth.

I’ve written about this before, but I need to take a slightly different tact today.

I can get away with presenting this as an illness inclined towards addicts, but the truth is it’s rampant in our culture, especially today when we have so much leverage in determining our own brands. Yup, that’s what we call crafting a sellable self for others to consume.

You can find it in discussions of race or poverty today. It’s all over political arguments. You can certainly find it on social media everywhere. You can find it on “Only Fans” (BTW, parents, do you know if your son or daughter has an Only Fans page?) among those who take their clothes off and do nasty things to make a buck while in isolation. Take a look at the patrons, for example, of Walmart, where a particular form of uniqueness can be found in the way people dress. Pick just about any issue, and you’ll find it stuffed with the masks and fallacious imagery of those who offer support or disagreement. Wealthy people have their own ways of standing out, but it depends on your point-of-view.

Our culture is flooded with the unspoken cry, “Dig me,” and its institutions are designed to take advantage of the disease.

  • Finance: You need money to reach your objective. We can help.
  • Marriage: You need the right “partner” to be all you can be. We can help.
  • Medicine: You need your health for your unique journey. We can help.
  • Mental Health: You need to determine how far you can go with this. We can help.
  • Religion: You need us to make sure you have a right relationship with God. You want God’s blessing, right? We can help.
  • The Law: You need to make sure you don’t cross the wrong lines in your effort to be YOU. We can help.
  • Education: We can put you on the right path for your unique objective.

These groups represent the status quo in Western life, the aristocrats, the one percent. We are the hamsters on their wheels. And so we plot and plan. We try things on to see how they fit. We organize ourselves around our self-image and fine tune it before heading out to make a name for ourselves. I mean, it’s the American way, right?

So it has always been and will always be, unless there is a righteous rebellion.

We’ve gotten so far downstream in this effort today that we’re no longer able to even consider how alike we really are.

“But my husband…”
“But my upbringing…”
“But my abuse…”
“But my bad luck…”
“But my illness(es)…”
“But my injury…”
“But my situation…”

Can we please stop our complaining?

We find excuses everywhere to deny our nature as garden-variety human beings. It seems there’s just no future in being just one in the crowd. Who wants to be “normal?”

Somewhere inside all the masks and afflictions, we are all the same.

My old shrink, Doctor Gagrat, told me once:

“Terry, people are like snowflakes. All different but all still snowflakes. Put some heat to them, and they melt. If I stab you with an ice pick, you’ll bleed, and your blood will be red. If I stab your psyche with a weapon, you also bleed.”

This is without a doubt a true statement, and my point today is that if we were each simply seeking our authentic selves, we’d be much better off as a species within the cosmos. Instead of seeking to stand out, we would be able to give our attention to being better human beings.

But who wants to be a better human? What does that do for ME?

  • Life is free to do our heavy lifting for us.
  • It allows us be imperfect, just like everybody else.
  • It buys us freedom.
  • It buys us peace and all of the spiritual fruit we believe is tied to the goals of our struggle.
  • It allows for unconditional love.
  • We cease striving for “our” place within the whole, for our place is already set.
  • Life gets remarkably easy to live, for we’re in sync with it instead of fighting against it.
  • Things go wrong, of course, but we’re able to place them in the proper perspective.

The real idiocy of this disease is that it’s so incredibly useless. It functions as a yoke attaching us to a life of constant struggle. You wonder why people can’t sleep? The subconscious mind doesn’t shut down when attempting to sleep, because it’s way too active trying to plan the next steps in the fantasy. If we could just all say “Enough!”

This ought to be the top priority of all religions and the most preached sermon across the globe. Only then will we learn the truth about what humanity is doing on this planet and the path for reaching our universal purpose.

We simply don’t have the power to sustain such artificiality.