It’s probably spam

If the e‑mail comes from a guy named Midshipman L. Returnable or Polytheist H. Communicators, it’s probably spam.

If you’ve won anything, it’s probably spam.

Unless it comes from your sweetie, any e‑mail that begins “Hi Sweetie” is probably spam.

If it involves any account anywhere, it’s probably spam.

If the English in the e‑mail appears to have been written by a monkey with a typewriter, it’s probably spam.

If the e‑mail is dated three months ago, it’s probably spam.

Only plastic surgery will make your Johnson bigger. It’s probably spam.

If anybody identifies themselves as “Barrister” in an e‑mail, it’s probably spam.

Buy your drugs at the drug store. It’s probably spam.

The horny women in your neighborhood aren’t waiting for you on a Website in Denmark. It’s probably spam.

Your PayPal account doesn’t need upgrading. It’s probably spam.

The widow of an African diamond merchant isn’t likely to have your e‑mail address. It’s probably spam.

?????? in the “From” box is probably spam.

Chinese banks don’t usually mine for credit card applicants in the U.S. It’s probably spam.

If the “Subject” line says something like, “In fit my obdurate kerosene,” it’s probably spam.

There is no such thing as an “OEM SOFTWARE NEWSLETTER,” and if there was, why would they send it to you? It’s probably spam.

Your computer isn’t a “selling machine,” so the e‑mail telling you to make it one is probably spam.

Your home doesn’t need refinancing. It’s probably spam.

Your BIOS doesn’t need updating. It’s probably spam.

And nobody from the dating site told Kristen about you. It’s probably spam.

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