George Carlin at the Pearly Gates

St. Peter: Welcome to heaven, George.

George: I’m surprised you let me in. After all, I haven’t exactly been kind to you guys of late.

St. Peter: You mean the jokes about religion and the anti-God stance you took down there?

George: Right.

St. Peter: Ha ha ha. We’ve had lots of laughs with you, George. Here’s our favorite.

(RECORDING OF CARLIN PLAYS) “Religion convinced the world that there’s an invisible man in the sky who watches everything you do. And there’s 10 things he doesn’t want you to do or else you’ll go to a burning place with a lake of fire until the end of eternity. But he loves you! ”

George: And you guys laughed at that?

St. Peter: But of course! You think you leave your sense of humor when you come up here? Besides, we understand that kind of bitterness better than most.

George: But, um, I don’t exactly believe in the invisible guy in the sky thing.

St. Peter: Doesn’t matter. We believe in you. Besides, you were more right than wrong. Sometimes I think we’re about as far from organized religion as the Pope is from Paris Hilton. Hee hee. Get it? It’s a joke, George.

George: You guys need some help up here.

St. Peter: Come on in. The old man’s waiting.

George (as they walk together into the clouds): Now, about that asshole Bush.…

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